Living Freely

I recently just moved from LA back to San Francisco in February. I decided to move back to San Francisco after being gone for five years. In those five years I have lived in NYC for two years exactly and then LA a little over two years. I’ve lived in 3 different cities since 2009. 2009 was the year I began my journey.

I was feeling stuck in LA and the driving an hour a day in the morning and at night really didn’t alleviate any stresses I had.

I’m addicted to change.

If you subscribe to numerology and spiritual meanings in life – I’m a 5. Movement, change and travel has been the only thing that’s constant in my life.

I really thought I would be working full time in SF with a start up company that scouted me out on Linkedin and but it turned out to be even better when it didn’t happen. Instead I started to focus on working on my own art and creating products. I’ve been able to create artwork that I could probably not have explored if I had gotten a full time job. I have now been able to direct all my focus on creating work and also starting to see money flow through these online shops. It’s been such a life changer.

Getting older means also re-evaluating what you want in life, and what I want most in life is to have a better quality of living where I work only on passion projects and people I like to work with and spending more time with my loved ones. At the core of my being I just want to be and spend time doing things I enjoy.

The most important thing I’ve learned if I’ve learned anything is to trust your gut intuition and to let go of where you think you should be. Releasing judgement on myself and accepting who I am now instead of who I thought I should be is the biggest lesson I’ve ever had to learn.

When I fight the flow and try to plan and overthink things in my life is when everything gets screwed up. Control is something I had to learn to stop doing. Just letting go and moving towards my intentions & focusing daily on what I wanted to create has helped me to move things in my life along.

Inner strength builds inside when we have gone through the worst of things. In the last couple of months I wondered where my journey was going to take me. But in my quest for living freely did I really start to learn to live in the present moment and not to think too far ahead into the future. Because being present means you are co-creating your reality and shaping it into the future you want to have.

As an artist and creator, creating art is a spontaneous process and a very in the moment act. Of course there are things you want to plan to work on, but in the moment is where the magic happens– embracing that inherent act of creating work is a sacred space within ourselves. Patience and lots of inner reflection within ourselves is necessary to grow as an artist or a creator. Rome wasn’t built in a day, therefore we must have patience with ourselves. Our journey to self discovery takes time in order to live a free and artistic life.

To be happy means being true to yourself.

Ghosts

Dreams are so crazy. Where do I even begin? I’ve been having weird dreams and epiphanies since I was a kid. I’ve been recording my dreams for a really long time now. You can imagine how many stacks of notebooks I’ve filled up just from writing my dreams down!

Months ago, last November of 2012, I had a dream I was on live t.v. on a ghost hunter show. In my dream I was in a team of people walking through an old house looking for ghosts or anything out of the ordinary. I remember feeling in my dream that I was never going to find anything and that it was all bullshit. That the ghosts we were hunting or trying to find weren’t even real. How crazy to think that in my dream? And maybe this is what I’m thinking in my life now? I feel like my perspective about a lot of different things are changing, I no longer view the world one way but from a place where I can totally separate my emotions and take myself out of the equation. I’m starting to look at things from a bigger expanded view and not through a pigeon hole.

Or maybe there are make believe ghosts in our lives that we think are real but aren’t completely all true? I’m starting to think that these “ghosts” in places that we think are haunted are completely non existent. That maybe this all stems from our fears. That maybe our own FEARS help manifest and CREATE things in our reality.

The dream I had made me think of what it was a metaphor for in my life now. And I know it could be the way I thought of things for a really long time. About God and praying and thinking that there is some sort of deity or higher thing that I should be afraid or grateful for in owing my existence to. I don’t know what’s out there, and I know that our human mind may not completely have all of the capacity to understand all there is to know.

And sometimes certain things in our life magically orchestrate themselves by aligning us with like minded individuals who help us understand and see things from a different point of view. I am used to believing that there is a God somewhere but I am in no way religious nor do I side with any religious views. For a really long time I knew that Christianity or Catholicism was never something I wanted to continue practicing. I had grown up Catholic and believe it or not I have spent a good amount of time going to a Christian church with my one of my aunts in San Diego when I was in high school. I’ve read the Bible inside and out. I found myself feeling really constrained and limited by what it preaches. I don’t doubt that it is the word of God that he channeled through people in history but I also think that it was relevant for its time.

I do however think that it is irrelevant for this time. And I know a lot of people may disagree with me, and I don’t hate Christianity – I will never do. But the way Christians think comes from a limited perspective and a place of lack, and I think that they accept things for what they are. I often hear, “This is God’s plan for you.” But quite frankly, we have the power to create our own future. I think if more of us took responsibility for where our lives are going and direct it so that we are living from the place that is aligned with our heart’s true passions, then you never have to see the challenges as something bad – but a way to motivate you and keep you going.

For the last 10 years of my life I secretly studied and devoured a lot of astrology, psychic energy and mysticism. The last 3 years brought me to a place where I actually learned to use my psychic gifts in helping other people and really learning to use this skill positively. Without focus or concentration this skill may never evolve. And this is true for everybody – we all have this ability even if you think you aren’t intuitive or tapped in at all, you’d be surprised what you are able to see with a little practice! I met and learned through another gifted Clairvoyant, Debra Lynne Katz who was my mentor for a little over 6 months back in 2009. This was the first time that I really started to see what the human mind was capable of given these exercises to practice and cultivate. Two years into it I was really unbalanced with my physical world. Because I was tapping into weird things, I wasn’t completely focused in this world. Quite frankly my sanity was somewhere else. But I’m glad that I live in the here and now and more focused on the present. You have to be if you want to direct the future you want to have.

We don’t know if this “God” is a higher power or if there even is one. But what we all can relate to is a mysterious universal energy that guides our lives. There is a one energy that exists out there and this is what keeps us connected, that maybe this “God” consciousness connects us all and that we are God having different types of experiences and seeing the world from different perspectives. At least I’d like to think so.

Journal Writing and Sketchbooks

I can’t stress enough the importance of journal writing. Writing can be a channel to help heal our wounds, it can also provide us a space to record great ideas, and to express ourselves. Many of us creatives are also artists, sketching and doodling inside our notebooks. We are very sensitive, intuitive beings and writing/sketching provides a way for us to connect things together.

I tend to keep a small notebook or sketchbook to record many thoughts, ideas, and dreams. Lately I’ve been using my iPhone a lot to jot down ideas or notes that I later don’t want to misplace with a pile of loose notes! I used to have this really bad habit of writing many things down on sticky notes and then realizing I had too many that I didn’t need! Bad for the environment! I usually carry around a small 5×8 moleskin sketchbook in my purse in case I come up with ideas I want to draw for personal art work or for my thesis art book. And I have a separate small one for writing story ideas, lists, and literally for writing about dreams I had the night before! I don’t know how long I’ve been recording my dreams, maybe since I was small. But I find that writing them down gives me an opportunity to mull it over while I think deeply about what it all means. This has worked well for me in the past, as I have often came back to them a week later and figured out what it was a symbol or metaphor for in my life! (Someday I hope to have the courage to publish a book on just dreams and theory. Oh that will be a future project!)

We need an outlet and a way for us to express ourselves, even just writing things down will help us make sense of our own lives. Everything in life is always a process, we go through so many things and it can be a bit overwhelming when we’re in our thoughts all the time. I know being an artist and creative has its challenges in putting emotions into words. We may feel and think about the same things– but sometimes we don’t always associate them or make sense of them as easily. We are deep thinkers! At least I like to think of myself as a thinker and being deeply connected to my spirituality.

No matter what purpose you end up using a journal or sketchbook for, its value goes a long way. Almost as if a moment of time was frozen and captured in this book.

KISS. Keep it simple stupid.

Even if you are just a writer, I would suggest getting a blank sketchbook so that you don’t have to be bound by the lines. Having one notebook to do both the writing and sketching can help you keep things in one place. Not to mention this will even help you get organized! Also dating your entries is a good idea of keeping track of them.

Make it a daily habit.

There’s no right or wrong way to do this, but getting into the habit of writing about how you feel that day or at that moment will help you sort out your thoughts and emotions. Or it could even be a time where you sketch or draw. Make time for it and factor it into your routine. Maybe you get up and make coffee before you go to work and can have a bit of reflection to write/sketch about. Or maybe even mid-day on your lunch break or before bed-time.

Build self-awareness.

This is key to staying motivated on your path as a creative. The more you tune into your thoughts, feelings, and ideas– the more self-aware you become about who you are, your goals, and direction in life.

Ideas to use your sketchbook/journal for:

Making lists.

Outlining stories.

Goal setting. (Daily, Weekly, Monthly)

Writing about your dreams and interpreting them.

Bucklet lists.

Great ideas.

Sketching.

Etc…

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My journals accumulated over the years.