I haven’t blogged! Life has been crazy in the last couple of months. I have decided to embark on a new journey and am moving back across country to California today! I knew New York City wasn’t a place that I could see myself settle down in and I knew I was just passing through, but for how long I wasn’t sure just yet.
There were some physical signs and hints from the universe that I didn’t listen to at first. The first one was my eleven year-old son not wanting to return to New York for the fall school year after he had spent a year with me in New York City. After a summer in San Diego he didn’t want to leave. The next one was my apartment lease expiring exactly in September. Then I had a profound dream on September 7th. And I couldn’t ignore it anymore, I woke up and everything else that I decided was based on this dream and I combination of the first few signs.
I feel like something amazing happened to me while I was studying abroad in Italy, a change of environment helped me to view life differently. And most importantly, it brought me back to the root of my passion. It slowed me down tremendously from my busy, go-go life in New York City.
I honestly had been feeling like my time in New York City was done, I was meant to be there for a certain time period, to grow as a person professionally, mentally, and emotionally. I feel so much stronger than I did before. I really fixed my finances! And rebuilt myself financially. I finally was out of a long depressing funk that started back in 2008 and 2009 was the hardest year of my life. New York really did wonders for my mental well being.
But its not a sad ending leaving NYC, I’m going to be back and forth in the next few months that I’m sure of, one of my best friends from Cali also now lives in New York City and is giving birth to her first baby soon!
So many endings on so many different notes, I’m also in my last semester of grad school online and I’ve been working on my thesis this last month. Now I’ll be able to have a little more time doing that and freelancing some work between projects.
I was in an apartment with one of my old friends and roommate from San Francisco. And then there was a third roommate, a girl who was dead at first and only her top half was visible, she was detached from the bottom of her ribs, and her bottom half was somewhere else. And then we somehow found her bottom and attached it back to her body and she started moving. She got up and started walking around wobbly and was like a harmless zombie bumping into the walls until finally she was exhausted and fell over. I told my roommate I can’t deal with this it’s too much so I left and drove off because I was going to my interview for my new job. And I drove my car only it was manual and not automatic– and I was going up and down hills through streets that were a combination of San Francisco and San Diego. Adjusting the shift of the car when it was too high I would downshift to get a better momentum going up the hilly streets. Then for some reason I stop at a cafe for a doughnut because I was hungry and that’s all I order. And I look up the directions of the interview on my phone. Then my friend calls me to tell me he’s waiting to interview me and to take my time. Then he picks me up in this big van with comfy seats and there are tiers of rows stacked above each other. He was on the higher tier of the row of seats and I tried to pick a seat and I almost sat on the first level but then I joined him at the top tier and I said this is better and comfortable and I can see everything now. And I told him about the weird situation with the dead roommate and how I was fearful that if I didn’t get away I would be next too. And then he just listened and drove me off to my destination. And that was it.
I really think this above dream is a metaphor for what was going in my life in the past few months. I wasn’t living to my highest potential and that to keep doing what I was doing would have burnt me out really bad. After speaking to some friends about the interpretation of this dream, I’ve come to the conclusion that the body cut in half represents me. The top part of the body is the conscious waking mind and the bottom part of the body ( the legs) is a symbol for movement and being free. I’m not going to go into details about how I felt about my old job, but the bottom line was that my creativity felt like it was being cut off and that I thought it wasn’t a job that I can move up in since it was such a small family owned business. I was also torn living in New York after my son Izaiah didn’t want to come back and I had been feeling like my heart really belonged in California. Its crazy what kinds of things our dreams can show us. I have always been one to listen to my dreams, as most of my dreams in the past have given me great insights into my own life. I’ve seen things before they happened in my life and for other people’s lives around me that I know. I once had a dream back in 2009 of the house that I moved into in San Francisco and had spoken to my landlady on the phone in the same dream. She told me her name in my dream before I even met her. When i found the craigslist ad for her room for rent, her name showed up and it felt like deja vu. I knew then that it was meant to be.
I’m not going to lie, but I had planned on switching careers and have been wanting to work in the Animation industry. My background and schooling is Visual Development for Animation and I knew it was a matter of time until I started wanting to find work in something that I am completely passionate about. I think this is where the difficulty laid. I was working in a job that had no future for me and a job that I didn’t see my future in. One of my older friends gave me some insight, while the older generation had always worked within a stable company for years and stayed loyal– working to save for their retirement and 401K, the younger generation that I belong to– as do my peers, we have no want or need for that. Instead we stay with companies to do projects until it is carried out and move on to something else that will also challenge us to do even more. And I think that is how life is supposed to be– that we are to utilize all of our creative talents for different projects and to keep progressing up as we go through life.
I am excited about the future and what it can hold for me, I never thought I’d move back to California so soon. I had planned to stay out in New York for another year but low and behold plans change and when things start to not feel right anymore—we have to listen to our gut intuition. Sometimes the conscious mind will try and tell us that this isn’t the most logical decision, but our spiritual bodies know that we are meant and destined for something even more amazing. So I say listen and pay attention to your dreams, for they can be a great wake up call towards the life you are meant to live.